I'm gonna get through this. Gimme just a moment & I'll be alright

Last night was hard & today ain't shaping up to be much different. My stupid kidney hurt a lot last night and so much that I couldn't even sleep after I took two percocets. Second verse is same as the first, today feels like last night. The day after the new tube feels a lot like the day after a car wreck. Sore and drained. Today I feel like that, and super emotional. I am just in an awful, horrible funk. I want to crawl under the covers and cry until Madden is born. I know I can do this. That i can make it ten more weeks and I really do want to. I do. I just don't believe it right now that I can. Right now I wish I was fresh back from a Starbucks run with a venti mocha frappuccino in hand, walking in the door with my flip flops on yelling at my boys to come outside and play. I wish today I was flying them through the air like little airplanes, or laying on our backs on the grass watching the clouds calling out all the shapes, and laughing at Prestlee until I am out of breath because he can't see anything beyond butts and other body parts we ought not be 'seeing' in the clouds. Not laying here in the bed hurting like this, itching like this, feeling like I am on the verge of throwing up every single ounce of life inside me, again. My throat burns from throwing up so much. I am just tired, exhausted and drained. I am really sad at myself for feeling like I just wanna wave the white flag and be done. I'm not done, I wont give up. I'm gonna keep on keep'n on for you my precious Madden. Some days are just harder than others. Today is one of those days.

When we were doing IVF to conceive Prestlee it was VERY hard emotionally on me, after getting pregnant and experiencing the first of my three miscarriages I used music to help me cope with hard moments. In fact as far as I can even ever remember I have done this. Different times in my life have different songs that relate to whatever I was going through. I would hum or sing the lyrics in my head or crank up the music pretty loud to escape my own sad thoughts. I made a cd during that IVF process and there was this one song on the CD that was my panic button song. I have caught myself humming that song so much lately. The first night I went to the hospital a few weeks ago, the night before I got the tube, I was laying in the bed completely zoned out on iv pain meds and realized I was humming the song. Anyway here is the song. there are two versions. I like the acoustic one a whole lot, but in my major ruts its the fast version that plays in my head to calm me. Daniel Beddingfield- I gotta get through this. My Theme song. My Mantra. I'm gonna get through this. Gotta make, gotta make it through. Yes I'm gonna get through this. Give me 'til tomorrow and I'll be okay.