three days

my ticker says I have three days left. i'd be doing a happy dance if I felt like it. but, i don't. I have supposedly had my last tube change on last friday. I do not have one scheduled for this friday and thats great. but i am so pessimistic at this point that I dare to believe it actually was the last one. stupid tube hurts since sunday. a lot really. so I am holding off on believing for half a second I am all done with that non-sense. instead of getting up at the crack of dawn. well before the crack of down in all honesty, I will be getting up around 7am instead of 4am and hauling it down to the hospital to have a nice giant needle stuck into my uterus to see if Madden will be good and ready to breath room air or he'd be likely vent dependent or some other type of method of forced oxygen. Odds are he's ready which is good, no great. But I know that "Odds" hate me. But this week I have had it up-to-here with the odds hating me & just about everything else too, that I double dog dare a fly to cross me wrong. I am a million types of feeling awful and foul. This chick has had it and is DONE.

just sayin....

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.” ~Gloria Naylor

"The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. the true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do."~ John Holt

"Forget walking a mile in someone else's shoes. Walk around in their closet & always remember there are things in the drawer you've never known to exist." ~ Breann Kynard

The music...

I have mentioned before in this blog about how much music means to me. how much I relate to the words to songs and how sometimes when I've got my walls up they bring them right down. I listen to the lyrics mainly but the melody has to be just right for me to love, love a song. I am not picky except when it comes to making my birth music. It is as important to me as naming my babies. each song I choose for a reason. each one in one way or another i have shed a tear too. each one has whispered to my heart. I have a soundtrack for each boy of mine. each one still brings me to tears. each one I can tell you what i was doing when I heard it. what it meant, what it symbolized and why it made the cut. each one holds the most magnificent memories that I will hold forever dear to my heart...

long time no blog...

what can I say making a beautiful little human and being sick is a wee bit time consuming. That, and having a broken laptop doesn't exactly make blogging easy. life is the same. hanging in here. passing time wishing time would just pass. but then again I slightly wish it would slow down just a hair. the boys on the outside are growing too fast which is a direct indicator the one on the inside is too. time do what you will, but please, leave my boys alone. I like them just like this. sweet & innocent. well, mostly anyway. :-)

tired

too tired to post much. its been a rough day. rough few days. I feel like crap. barely feel like typing this much. got an infection. got IV antibiotics which sufficiently have killed all the bacterial organisms in my body and have drained every last drop of energy from me. closing my eyes now. hoping for sleep. goodnight people.